Shunsui vs Stark
by MufflestheMighty
Summary: Both super powerful and super lazy. What will happen between this battle of the sleepies.


Disclaimer: I own not Bleach

This story takes place when Aizen takes his top three and brings them to annihilate karakura town. Yay!

Stark appeared, looking uber-cool, out of a wormhole that Aizen had ripped open. Karakura town appeared below him. Stark yawned widely. He yawned even wider when he saw the Gotei 13 captains looking menacing and cool and making thousands of manga-readers squeal in excitement as they anticipated the big, big fight that was coming up.

Stark didn't like fighting, but he thought he had better do so now because a man in a Vietnamese hat and a pink flowery kimono was bearing down on him with the battle cry: "SAAAAAAAAAAKKKEEEEEEEEE!!". He happened to have an urn of just that under his arm.

Stark lazily lifted his sword and blocked the blow from Shunsui, who was infuriated and threw his sake urn at his opponent with the childish cry of "BOOGA!!" Stark decided to show his manliness and smashed the sake urn with his forehead. It hurt very much and tears streamed down his face. Shunsui took advantage of this, using his superior shunpo to fly around, and yet every blow he made was parried.

Shunsui soon released shikai, and his two mighty swords sent a tornado-like drill of wind, straight at the enemy. Stark bent down to scratch his big toe and the tornado missed him. Shunsui screamed in misery and horror at his own failure and then happily decided to drown himself in sake so as to dampen the pain.

"hehehe," he giggled, thinking himself very clever.

Stark was getting grumpy. He had missed his afternoon nap and lunch. Shunsui was grumpy too. He only had a few gulps of sake left. Their fighting was sluggish. They were both nodding off. Shunsui fell asleep halfway through shouting an attack name and gave a loud snore, shocking stark out of his own dreamworld.

"Bleagh! This isn't fun!" Shunsui had just had his hat knocked over his eyes by a pathetic prod from Stark's sword.

"Yeah." Stark absent-mindedly agreed.

"Mr. Espada." Shunsui displayed unusual politeness. "I was wondering whether you would like to join me for a tea break."

Stark was inspired to have good manners just like Shunsui. "My dear shinigami!" he said with a strong british accent. "I would love to."

Shunsui and Stark, happily linked arms and skippity-hopped off into the sunset. Well, they actually skippity-hopped all the way into Starbucks.

"Ah. Airconditioning." Shunsui sank into a plushy armchair while Stark looked around in wonder at the human inventions of wallpaper, lightbulbs and straws. None of these were even heard of in Hueco Mundo.

They ordered caramel frappucinos and sipped them. Shunsui alternating between sips of sake and frappucino. After they had sated their thirst, they eagerly went to the cake counter and picked out an apple strudel for Stark and a slice of chocolate truffle for Shunsui. By the time they left the café, their stomachs were full and their faces were smeared with cream, because neither of them knew how to use napkins or a fork.

"Now! For my favorite activity!" Shunsui winked at Stark rather flirtatiously, causing Stark to retch in the other direction.

"What, may I ask, is your favorite activity." Asked Stark apprehensively, hoping the answer would not make him retch again.

"sleeping!! Beautiful sleep. My lovely little naps." Shunsui's obsession with sleeping would have sickened any normal human but Stark's face lit up like Yammi's backside (huh?)

"WHAT AN AMAZING COINCIDENCE!!" Stark yelled at the top of his lungs, just to show how amazed he was, which earned an awkward silence from everyone. Stark blushed.

"I like sleeping too." He explained. "in fact, I have already missed two naps."

"well, what are we waiting for!!" Shunsui exclaimed, grabbing his new found friend and dragging him down the road.

They arrived, 22 seconds later, outside a glorious hotel. Shunsui staggered in, looking drunk and pretty gay in his pink suit, with his hand around Stark's arm. The clerk looked quite alarmed as they ordered a private suite for 2 hours and Shunsui blew him a kiss. People turned and stared as the two men sang "Candle in the wind" at the top of their lungs while climbing into the elevator.

Shunsui and Stark entered the hotel room. They were not at all perturbed that there was only one bed. They both started bouncing on the bed, giggling and pretending to be kangaroos. Soon, they got tired and climbed under the sheets. Shunsui sucked on his thumb and they both lapsed into thunderous snores which shook the bed and made everybody in the hotel draw the wrong conclusion.


End file.
